We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
