How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
