If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
