She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
