It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
