Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
