I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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