I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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