I skipped work to stalk him.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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