Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
