remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
