So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
