I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
