I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
