can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
