he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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