He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mom said you looked used
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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