Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize