...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
