oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
