pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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