I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
