honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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