Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My liver just broke up with me...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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