Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
