just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
