He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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