on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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