She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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