bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My ass is underappreciated
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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