he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
