I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
