the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
