Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
