i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
