Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
