so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
