Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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