Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
