remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
