i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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