...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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