I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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