Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
