dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
