dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
