I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
