final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
