i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
