dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I could make wine with my vomit
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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