Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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