It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
