Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
