I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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