every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
