he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
