Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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