You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
