Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize