in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
