I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
