I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You are a genius and a whore.
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