my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
