I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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