I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
