Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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