I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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