im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize