when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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