he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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