I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
