my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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