They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
