If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize