why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
