So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
