he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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