the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
