im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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