We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
