btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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