good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
