the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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