i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
