marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
