Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
