what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
