I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize