since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
