So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
