remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
