I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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