Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
