I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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