I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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