NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
