It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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