apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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