Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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