You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is the high leading the old right now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
