btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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