your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
